“I’ve never felt this hurt by a girlfriend” she said with tears streaming down her face. “How could they do this to me”?

I mean I get heartache when it’s the guys. I know men can be mean; but my best friends? How can something like this hurt so bad? My insides hurt. “I thought we would be friends forever”!

I look at her and wish there was some way I can offer a hurting heart some comforting words, but she’s in such deep distress, that she just needs me to hear her pain.

“Tell me more about this, the part of losing a best friend that hurts so much“…I say, knowing all to well that feeling of betrayal.

My mind flickers back to a few years earlier, when there was a shift in a relationship with a close friend. I remember the sting in my heart when things slowly started to change. It took me time to process it. There were a lot of conflicting emotions and tears. As my friend is sharing her story with me I relate so much to the flavor of her pain. I am hoping she can sense my empathy, also my deep trust and belief to mend a broken heart. None of those are relevant now. All she needs is me, my heart, a listening ear, and some space to process.

She goes on to sharing about her friend. “ I know we are in different seasons and we have disagreed about many things in life. It’s all been out of love on some things. I’ve only wanted the best for all my friends. I want to see them prosper and to be so happy. But we’ve always navigated around the disagreements and found middle ground. But not this time.” I just hate that people always leave. No matter what I do for them to help them or what I say to support them it’s not appreciated.

Oh the feelings that stirs in me. I am always very picky on who I choose to be close to me. I don’t allow just anyone to do life with me. When I love; I love deeply. I protect! I got your back! I’m your ride or die! That’s who I am. That’s just my personality. So it’s a really big disappointment when others aren’t as committed to the friendship as I am. I don’t understand how someone so close to you for YEARS, who knows So MUCH about you can be so harsh and hateful….use me… lie to me so much….lie about me and just walk away”.

As I sat listening to these words that sound all to familiar to me whether that was in my own life or from countless clients sitting in my chair at the salon having to navigate the deep pain of losing a dear friend.

There’s nothing quite like losing a friend. The blur of what just happened, the rage of deep misunderstanding, the lost trust and support like a core part of who you are is no longer attached to you. If feels like you’ve lost a sister. You wonder if you ever really knew them at all? Was there more they lied about? Why was it so easy for them to hurt me? Did I hurt them and they never told me? Betrayal is an ugly beast. Even worse when it’s comes from someone you love so much.

So to you my readers, though I may not know you or your story, I do want to say that if you are going through this right now, I am so sorry. Friendship loss is often a deep and confusing loss. There is no magic bandaid, or waving of a wand that will take away the pain and sorrow. I’ve just tried to walk out the pain one step at a time.

I’ve asked myself; Is the relationship salvageable? Do I still want to be friends with that person? Is it healthy? Do you just need a season apart? Will she turn others against you? Is she toxic? Do you trust that person to even have them in your life? Reflecting on why the friendship broke is very important. Look at the big picture. Look for clarity in the fallout. Details in the communication. Read between the lines. What are they really saying? Do they show up for you? Are they trustworthy? Do they follow through? Do they do what they say they will do? If it’s fuzzy and unclear, maybe it’s time for a shift. There should be mutual benefit, exchange, willingness, and connection. If it’s all one sided then it may be time to let it go.

Let the pain come after making that decision. It hurts!!! Sit with the pain. Sit with the hurt and grieve as needed. Losing a friend is a big deal! It’s like a divorce. You spent a lot of time with them and now it’s a big void in your life. Embrace the new normal.

I will always remember the good times that were shared together. They far outweigh the bad in my mind. It’s easy to see the bad while we are in pain. Usually there are parts of a relationship we are letting go that we’re indeed great and healthy and life giving. The relationship may have shifted or is no longer self serving but it wasn’t all a waste. I’ll hold on to all the beautiful moments.

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