The noise is loud…

Why do women fall for men who talk with a silver tongue. These men promise you the world. They become everything you ever dreamed of. You say to God “Is this the man I’ve dreamed of and prayed for my whole life?” Everything is just so perfect. This man loves everything I love. Promises me the world on a silver platter. He tells me he wants nothing more but to protect me and take care of me.

Isn’t that a woman’s greatest need? If we are really being transparent a woman wants love and security. To be loved for who she truly is in her heart and soul. To be taken care of properly. When a man offers to handle your heart with loving care you want that more than anything.

Men are usually attracted to a woman’s outer appearance first. I know this. When I was younger I played up those attributes to the best of my ability. As I’ve gotten older and wiser what I desperately desire is for a man to look past the outer appearance to see my heart. There is so much to a woman than her looks. Or what she can do for a man sexually. Why can’t a man get past all of that and really get on an intimate level with a woman. Is it even possible? I just don’t know if it is. There are so many layers to a woman. So much depth that a man can never get to because of the shallowness of his thinking. Most of the men I’ve met in my lifetime pretend to be interested in my thoughts and feelings. But it’s all a facade. You realize after the ring is on the finger that everything you thought was real is a big sham. People can only pretend for so long before the real person comes to light. Then you realize the person you married was a complete and utter fraud.

Depression swarms you like a locust. I fall to my knees and scream out to God “Why is this happening to me again?” How did I miss it this time? I was being cautious! I feel like a fool and a failure once again. I’ve never felt a depression so heavy on me where I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. My joy is gone.

Everyone has this strong desire to feel heard right? I mean really heard. It’s been my greatest desire since I was a little girl. I just wanted someone to value me. Value my thoughts, feelings, emotions. That’s what everyone wants right? I feel like I’m never heard. No one really takes the time to listen except for my father God. Lord you hear my deepest cries. You deliver me from the darkness that overtakes me. You open doors that couldn’t possibly be opened. You are the only one I can truly rely on and trust. You are my deliver.

People will judge me but only you see my heart lord. You’ve been with me since the beginning and collected all of my tears. You know everything that’s happened behind closed doors. All I know to do is praise you and you will strengthen me. Thank you for delivering me. As I type these words tears fall from my face. I just sing Psalms 18 to you God. I love you Lord. You are my strength. The Lord is my Rock, my fortress, my savior, my God is my Rock in whom I find protection. He is my shield. The power that saves me, and my place of safety. Signed….me


The Noise in my head. View All →

Love NEVER fails ♥
– 1 Corinthians 13:8

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